These Shoes Are Killing Me.

Check her out man. It'd be a pretty brave foot fetishist who shacked up with her, eh? Still, she is an undeniably attractive woman, so I suppose you could reasonably argue that it might just be worth the risk.

Probably one the unluckiest situations you could find yourself in with a lady such as this I should think, would be if you were working part time in say, Clarks shoe shop or somewhere like that, when she came in for a fitting. Y'know, cause what are you going to do then? Straight away you're professionally obligated to take all the same risks that her brave beau chooses to take but with none of the potentially sexy rewards. You certainly can't simply refuse to serve her because – aside from that just being downright rude – she might think your discriminating against her solely on account of her quite obvious physical impairment, which would not only make her feel extremely self-conscious, but would also give her fair grounds to lodge a complaint. Thus because she didn't get a shoe, you could end up getting the boot, as it were. On the other hand, is your job all that important in the scale of things? I mean it's only really a Saturday thing, it doesn't pay very well, there's probably plenty more of this sort of work out there and she does have a huge fuck-off machine gun for a leg. So what's the solution? They just don't give adequate training for scenarios like these in the shoe retail business anymore.

Okay, you might say "Look at the poster though, she doesn't have a shoe on the gun, you won't be dealing directly with the actual gun, she probably just wants something comfortable – like a Hush Puppy – for her one remaining, non lethal foot." Well, fair point…but then what if - as a lot people are - she's a little sensitive about her feet…or foot, so she - as a lot people do - lies about her shoe size and drops it down by maybe a size, size and a half. Clearly now it's going be a bit tougher getting her chosen footwear on. But she's adamant; determined to manage it because she's embarrassed and doesn't want lose face in front of the staff. Understandable, we've all been there. So there she is pushing hard to get it on, with Barry, the shop assistant who drew the short straw, lost two coin tosses and four straight games of paper-rock-scissors, down there helping her by pushing hard in the opposite direction; she's struggling, Barry's struggling, she's squeezing, Barry's squeezing, she's straining, Barry's straining...they're both...they're just about...and they've just nearly…BANG!!!…all of a sudden the gun's gone off accidentally, everybody's screaming and in the end the only one who lost any face was the work experience girl, whose now missing the majority of hers.

It's food for thought. My feeling is if you do own or manage a shoe shop, it's probably better to have a solid procedure already in place for dealing - cautiously but respectfully - with customers who come in with dangerous weaponry in place of limbs. You'll probably never even have to use it, but I think everyone concerned would generally feel a lot better just knowing it's there.